Overcoming Fear of Uncertainty

Fear of uncertainty is a universal human experience, but it can be much more intense for certain individuals. For example, autistic people, people living with anxiety disorders and people who have experienced trauma are more likely to have a lower tolerance for uncertainty.

As an autistic person, I've always struggled to cope with uncertainty. However, my tolerance for uncertainty became even lower after facing several traumatic bereavements and unprecedented distressing situations throughout my teenage years and early 20's. As a teenager, I developed a severe eating disorder and in retrospect, I can recognise that it arose as a subconscious effort to create a sense of predictability, as well as a feeling of control. Ironically, the physical health implications and extended hospital admissions caused by my eating disorder left me completely out of control of my own life.

I'm now in recovery and attempting to take back control of my life. However, I'm now having to face the unpredictability that accompanies the the thought of a future free from rigid routines and rituals. I feel a lot of pressure to decide what I'm going to do with my life when my days no longer revolve around appointments and meal plans. When faced with an abundance of options, my natural reaction is to 'freeze' and refuse to make a decision out of fear of choosing the 'wrong' option. I'm also inclined to make a choice (after much ruminating), only to opt out or change it at the last minute incase it isn't the 'perfect' choice. This is something that I've recently become aware of, so I'm actively trying to reframe my anxieties and change my reactions.

Recently, I've managed to do things that would've felt impossible a year ago, such as eating at restaurants, changing my routine, going on days out, meeting new people and volunteering. There are a few techniques that have been helping me to become more accepting of the idea of change, and even seek out unfamiliar experiences. These techniques will not cure a fear of uncertainty; the brain is wired to identify potential threats, even if they're very unlikely to occur. However, through recognising this and implementing some of the following techniques, I'm slowly learning how to cope with unpredictable situations.

Finding meaning and purpose in change

Assigning meaning and purpose to uncertain/unfamiliar situations can help with the management of fear. When I notice an anxious thought, I'm actively trying to find an alternative way to look at the situation. For example:

Anxious thought: 'I feel so uncertain about my future and the path ahead is unclear. By refusing to make decisions, refusing to try new things and engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, I'm eliminating the possibility of making the wrong choice'.

Reframed thought: 'By refusing to make changes, I'm eliminating the possibility of a positive outcome. If my fear of change is rooted in fear of negative outcomes, does it really make sense to choose certain misery over potential joy?'

Remember that thoughts are not facts

Oftentimes, we can logically comprehend that our thoughts are not facts, but still find ourselves caught up in mental rumination. Creating reminders that your thoughts are not facts, such as on post-it notes or in journals, can help to bring you back to the present moment. The more you remind yourself that your thoughts are not facts, the easier it will be to remember this and observe your thoughts from a distance.

Roll a dice

If you happen to have some free time during the day, you can work on your cognitive flexibility by writing a list of 6 potential activities that you could engage in, and rolling a dice to decide which activity to do. This can also be helpful when challenging rigidity around food: for example, you could write a list of 6 potential lunchtime meals and roll a dice to decide which of the 6 to have.

Routine

Having a routine can be very grounding. Routines shouldn't be obsessive or compulsory; they should suggest a general structure. It also helps if routines can be followed regardless of the location or environment so that you can turn to them for comfort in unfamiliar locations. For example, performing set of activities such as stretching, meditating, journalling and listening to a comforting song every morning and evening can create a sense of routine, even amidst change.

Balance

It isn't always possible to balance uncertainty with familiarity, but when circumstances permit, it can be a good strategy to manage anxiety. For example, taking familiar objects to unfamiliar locations can provide a sense of safety. Where possible, scheduling structured rest days amidst unpredictable days can also be beneficial.

Community

Having a sense of community is essential for wellbeing, even for introverts. Having a small circle of close loved ones whom you can reach out to is a blessing, and I try to remind myself of this when things seem overwhelming. If you struggle to communicate your problems and worries, it can be helpful to write them down or to tell a loved one that you're not sure how to approach the topic, so that they can support you.

Conclusion

It's very natural to have a fear of uncertainty, especially if you're neurodivergent or have experienced trauma. Having a low tolerance for change and uncertainty isn't an inherently negative thing; routine and consistency can be very beneficial in many areas of life. However, a fear of uncertainty can become problematic if it causes distress and unhealthy behaviours, or if it affects your ability to make decisions, try new things and connect with others. Mental flexibility can be expanded, although some individuals may have a lower capacity for uncertainty than others - which is completely valid and should be respected. The goal isn't to become completely spontaneous, but to reduce negative symptoms over time.

-Kirsty